Stanley Nickel For Your Thoughts
by SaintLush
Summary: What if the documentary crew had talking heads for one day? What would they say about the staff of Dunder Mifflin Scranton? New material added towards end.


**Disclaimer**: I do not, in any way, shape or form, own The Office or any of its characters.

**Author's Notes:** This is just a short little drabble on my idea of what the cameramen would say if they had talking heads. This is also my idea of humor. ...wait, what's that? That's why I sit home and write fanfiction instead of having a life? (_hangs head_)

**Stanley Nickel For Your Thoughts**

**Random Documentary Guy #1: **Well, this is different. I'm used to being on the other side of the camera!

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** Dude, this is like right out of The Twilight Zone! Wait... this doesn't mean I have to go sell paper now too, does it?

**Random Documentary Guy #1**: So uh, yeah... it's frustrated me so much over the years to film Jim and Pam have so many misunderstandings. There have been countless times I just wanted to yell out how ridiculous they both were being, or show them the other's TH. But, you know... you have to remain in the background and just let it all happen naturally. We took an oath and stuff.

**Random Documentary Guy #2**: ...There was an oath? Um... does that mean we can't, like... have sex with them? 'Cause, well, last St. Patrick's Day Meredith and I had some shots of jagermeister and, well–

**Random Documentary Guy #3:** Sometimes we have bets. Carl won the Pam and Jim First-Date pool. And Kyle won the Who-Will-Dwight-Choose-For-ARM pool. We're uh, still waiting on the Angela-Gets-Drunk-And-Table-Dances pool, as well as the When-Will-Creed-Die pool. (_mumbles)_ That one has been going on for quite some time now. It's like he's immortal.

**Random Documentary Guy #4:** Sometimes at night I like to watch old footage of Ryan at home. (_awkward pause_)

**Random Documentary Guy #1:** What's my favorite moment that I've filmed? Well... let me think... I guess I'd have to say that night at Chili's years back when Pam got drunk and kissed Jim for the first time. I guess I'm just a sucker for those two... reminds me of my wife and I when we were younger. She was dating some other guy at the time, and well... I fell in love with her...

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** Did he talk your head off about his wife? Oh yeah, I'd so do her. She's totally on my list. As well as Pam, Karen, Kelly, Angelina Jolie and that blonde cheerleading chick from "Heroes." What? She's underage?

**Random Documentary Guy #4:** My favorite moment of filming was when Ryan smiled. No, no... that time when Ryan laughed and there was that sparkle in his eye. Oh, something more specific? Well then...that time when Ryan played basketball in the warehouse, and he got all sweaty and... Wait, why are you turning off the camera...?!

**Random Documentary Guy #3:** Anything with Creed cracks me up. Although he does freak me out a little. Just last week he crept up behind me and asked why the hell I had a camera. Never mind we've been filming him for almost four years now.

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** I think Angela would be good in the sack. It's always the quiet ones, man. (_winks into camera_) I'd show her a _real _god, if you get what I mean. (_brief pause_) You do, right? Get what I mean?

**Random Documentary Guy #3:** Oh god, he said what? Does he want to make a bet on that?

**Random Documentary Guy #1:** The saddest moment I've ever had to film was when Jim confessed his love for Pam and she turned him down. Reminds me of when my wife rejected me and instead moved in with her then-boyfriend. I was crushed. So completely and utterly crushed. I didn't know what to do with myself. (_looks down briefly, then looks back up_) I didn't know at the time that Jim and Pam had kissed; I wasn't the one who filmed that.

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** Oh yeah man, it was smokin' hot! I wanted them to do it right there on his desk!

**Random Documentary Guy #4:** (_in a low, creepy voice_) I've always hated Kelly Kapor. She didn't deserve Ryan.

**Random Documentary Guy #1:** We keep on trying to fire Mark, but, um... he keeps showing up everyday. And, well... I'll admit he usually is the only one to get good footage of Ryan. (_pause_) Most of it we can't use though. The rules are, they have to _know _when you are filming them. Needless to say, shower footage is useless.

**Random Documentary Guy #4:** (_talking into camera close-up with lights off and a flashlight on his face like The Blair Witch Project_) If Ryan hadn't dumped Kelly, I would have had to sneak into the office late one night when she was alone and– (_camera cuts out_)

**Random Documentary Guy #3:** You know who else I think is awesome? Kevin. After this documentary gig is finished, I'd like to hang out with him. Grab a few beers, play some b-ball... We can't now; it's the whole oath thing Carl made us all take. Though I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who actually follows it.

**Random Documentary Guy #1:** The worst filming moment would have to have been when I was required to film regularly at the Stamford Dunder Mifflin office. It killed me to watch Jim appear to move on with Karen. Like, what the hell?

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** In addition to filming the lovely ladies of the office? I liked filming Andy. He's like, me. But he's not me. Because, well... no one can be me. _I'm _me. And he's him. But it's like, we're _one_. (_pulls out pencil and notepad_) Hold on, I gotta write this down... that's like, poetry!

**Random Documentary Guy #3:** It annoys me though whenever Michael tries to take away my camera and film the office himself. (_shakes head_) Jim has been nice enough to lend us his water bottle. It's especially come in handy when he hands out scripts he wrote that sound oddly enough like a cross between an Austen Powers musical and a cheesy soft-core porn film.

**Random Documentary Guy #2:** If Michael ever decides to quit his job and make that movie, I'd totally support him. ...Maybe I could be Assistant Director? _(camera pans over to Michael Scott suddenly)_

**Michael:** Assistant TO THE Director.

**Random Documentary Guy #1:** I'm glad everything worked out though in the end. Not just for me and my wife, but for Jim and Pam too! In fact... (_shows camera a card_) ...I just got this invitation for Pam and Jim's wedding. (_grins_) And yeah... I know I was the one who started the oath and all but... (_thoughtful pause_) sometimes you gotta take a chance on things.

**Random Documentary Guy #4:** Hey, I have a question for you. Do you think Ryan would ever run away with me? We could live in a log cabin in the Pocono Mountains. I could provide for him. (_pause_) How? (_pulls out handfuls of paper_) I've been saving all these schrute bucks over the years...

**-Fin-**


End file.
